Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
