how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
