I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Nicole vs. Life
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
