Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize