Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
