Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
