I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
