me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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