her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
