I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
