I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
