a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
