I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize