I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
