so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize