Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
