Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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