My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
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