And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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