I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I had to cum in my sink.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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