i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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