Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
