i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
