So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
