; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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