I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
