sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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