Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
