Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
