Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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