Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
