So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
