Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
