My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
