Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize
