Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
