This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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