are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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