you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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