hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize