Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
