thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
