it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
