The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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