I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
