So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
