can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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