Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize