I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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