I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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