At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
