You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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