Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
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