I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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