I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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