I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
