You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
