As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
