Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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