On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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