I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize