My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
