Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
