I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
