i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
