Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
