you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my being single is dangerous.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
