we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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