1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
