yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I AM VODKA MAN
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
