you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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