didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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