you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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