i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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